A Domestically-Challenged Sonnet

Sometimes an idea grabs hold and won’t let go.
I’ve often wondered what a love sonnet
written by Dr. Suess might sound like.
Instead of iambic pentameter, which sounds like:
da DUM / da DUM / da DUM / da DUM / da DUM,
it’s written in the more common Suess rhythm known as
amphibrachic tetrameter, which goes like this:
da DUM da / da DUM da / da DUM da / da DUM da.
Otherwise it’s a standard sonnet… but
it’s amazing how much difference the rhythm makes!
Well, that and the fact that Suess probably
wouldn’t have written a particularly serious sonnet…

I once was enamored of someone named Sally;
Our torrid romance had a tragic finale.
We hooked up in grade school, we dated through college,
Then moved in together without our folks’ knowledge.
We reveled in freakishly wild copulation…
But sharing one bathroom bred endless frustration.
We fought over everything. Finally Sally
And I called it quits. We did NOT dilly-dally!

Some people might say we were BOTH young and foolish,
A bit too self-centered, our feelings too brittle…
But SHE’D push my buttons, then walk around mopin’!
She’d always complain that I left the lid open
Then squeeze all our toothpaste tubes right in the middle!
I know I’m no saint… but that damn girl was mulish!