ATTENTION IPAD USERS!
Apple doesn't like listing me as "Will Shakespeare (poetry blogger)"
to differentiate me from the other guy, although everybody else does.
They took my first book but now won't take new ones. (Go figure.)
Since Smashwords distributes my books to Apple anyway,
just go to my Smashwords author page and download EPUBs from there.
Smashwords provides samples of my books also.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Dog Gone

For everyone who loves their pet—at least, most of the time…

He’s man’s best friend
But this week, the kennel’s my buddy—
With everyone gone
It’s peaceful at home in my study.
He’ll be back soon
But both of us need a vacation;
He’s so wound up
It’s this or I’ll need medication!

Friday, September 26, 2014

Antipasto

Antipasto is an Italian word that means “before the meal.”

An intimate dinner meant for two
With candles lit and music soft
Serves unsure gestures, bashful smiles,
Breathy giggles, and awkward coughs.

Desperately they pray for food
To give them something more to do
Than gawk and wiggle, sweat and stare…
Dessert’s become the goal they share.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Thoroughly Modern Housesitter

He stays alert
But it never leaves the yard,
Never tries to hide,
Never tries to sneak out late at night.
He wonders,
“Does it misbehave in ways I just can’t see?
Is it a smart house,
Texting other houses late at night
And sharing in-home videos
Snagged from the new surveillance cams?”
The job seems easy enough…
But he’ll never trust the security codes again,
Late at night or otherwise.

Monday, September 22, 2014

It’s Fall

I miss summer already…

Summer’s done;
Fall has come.
It’s fairly clear
When Fall is near:
The leaves turn brown
And drop to the ground,
The temperatures fall,
The school bells call,
And the days get shorter.
I know it’s just the order
Of things, for fall to come
When summer’s done…
But it wasn’t MY call.
Oh well… it’s Fall.
Dash it all!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Vitamin C

An acrostic poem—each line starts with one letter of the title. I think the rhymes will let you follow the rhythm easily enough though.

Viruses
Invade me, creeping
Through my body
As I’m sleeping…
Mayhaps my
Immunity will
Neuter their
Community!

But if you're having trouble, try this version...
Viruses invade me, creeping
Through my body as I’m sleeping…
Mayhaps my immunity
Will neuter their community!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Short List

I got so much to do today
No man could do it all.
This list would break a strong man’s back
And I can barely crawl.
Lord knows that I don’t mean to gripe;
I’m normally quite happy
But what you folks expect of me
Is really kinda crappy!
You know it’s cheaper if you waste
Some poor assistant’s time;
You know poor resource management’s
A senseless corporate crime.
So come on, Boss, and help me out!
A few things won’t be missed…
And rest assured, if you refuse,
I’ll put YOU on MY list!

Monday, September 15, 2014

Queen of Denial

Yes, this one is incredibly bad. Perhaps that’s why I like it so much!
Personally, I can’t help but pronounce “sooner” as “sue-in-ner” in the last line.

First Cleo married Julius Caesar;
He got killed, which didn’t please her.
So then poor Cleo thought that she
Would team up with Marc Antony.
Alas, her plans all came to naught;
Augustus met Marc’s forces, fought,
And kicked his butt and sank his ships
‘Cause a traitor proved to have loose lips.
She sued for peace, she really tried
But Marc committed suicide
And left her facing Rome alone.
One snakebite later, she was gone.
She faced a truth that didn’t please her:
No one beats Augustus Caesar.
She said—pre-death but after he ruined her—
“I wish someone had Ptolemy sooner.”

Friday, September 12, 2014

Pretenders

Although I’m working overtime
I just can’t grasp the paradigm;
They look the same but still don’t rhyme.
Can anybody please explain
Before it rots my tiny brain
Why words like tough and bough and cough
Rhyme stuff and cow and Gorbachev?

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The Vinyl Frontier

Welcome to the Forty-Fifth Century
Where we live our lives synthetically.
We got wearable plastic to coat our skin;
We got eatable plastic to keep us thin.
Our plastic guards walk our plastic floors
And our plastic connections open plastic doors.
We squeak when we sit, we squeak when we stand,
And we make squeaky love—both planned and unplanned!
Our politicos all wear plastic smiles
On Teflon faces. (That’s still in style!)
Our squeaky dogs have squeaky fleas;
Our squeaky wheels get squeaky grease.
Our dancers bump and squeak (not grind);
Our squeaky scholars have lost their squeaking minds
Seeking ways to stop these squeaks we now abhor.
But still, we babble that we have boldly gone where no civilization has ever gone before…

Now remind me, since we’re standing here:
Why did we cross that Vinyl Frontier?

Monday, September 8, 2014

A Classic Action Movie in 60 Seconds or Less

Hi there, Hero! Heard you wanted
Peace and quiet so, undaunted,
You determined you would just retire.
But some guy you once offended
Snarls, “Don’t think my anger’s ended!”
Now your entire family’s under fire.
He took your wife, he took your daughter
And your son; you know you oughter
Call the cops but that ain’t gonna happen.
You’re the movie’s lead lifesaver
So you go call in some favors,
All of whom are armed. That jerk needs cappin’!

Meanwhile, Mr. Bad waits, humming;
He’s aware your army’s coming
And he’s got a big surprise for you.
Half the movie’s spent reducing
All the troops you planned on using
Till there’s only one guy left. Guess who?
Cue the final showdown—family
Threatened, screaming, while you manly
Types both clash in battle, hand-to-hand…
But we needn’t worry, should we?
Mr. Bad’s death is a doozy
And your family’s safe… cut. That’s THE END.

Friday, September 5, 2014

The Red Drink Tasted Funny

That cranberry red drink
You served me at lunch?
I found it unpleasant.
I much prefer punch
Or strawberry red drinks;
I like cherry, too.
But cranberry red drinks?
I’d rather drink glue.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Marathon

One movie leads to another.
My legs won’t move;
They’re asleep on the sofa
Like me, mesmerized
By the lack of a better alternative.

One episode leads to another.
My eyes are glazed
And I’ve run out of popcorn.
Bring me a soda—
Another three seasons are airing next!

One moment leads to another.
My watch keeps ticking
And I’m not getting younger.
Life’s more than TV
But maybe I’ll watch just a little more…

Monday, September 1, 2014

Labor Day

For nine long months she played her part.
It seemed so simple at the start…
But then her hormones raged, she gained weight,
Morning sickness came, and back aches!
Add the cravings, tasteless comments,
All those days she had to vomit…
When she felt her first contraction,
God, she felt such satisfaction!
Then the birth pangs came in force—
She screamed until her voice got hoarse!

It’s done. Mom holds her newborn child
And looks at me with a woeful smile.
She sounds so tired as I hear her say,
“What fool thinks THIS is a holiday?”