ATTENTION IPAD USERS!
Apple doesn't like listing me as "Will Shakespeare (poetry blogger)"
to differentiate me from the other guy, although everybody else does.
They took my first book but now won't take new ones. (Go figure.)
Since Smashwords distributes my books to Apple anyway,
just go to my Smashwords author page and download EPUBs from there.
Smashwords provides samples of my books also.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Can

It’s occupied by tasty foods
And sodas oh-so-fizzy…
But once digestion runs its course
The can’s where WE get busy.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Cat’s Whisker

A nickname for the main working part of
the first radio receivers. It could easily get out of
adjustment and lose the signal entirely.

She came in and said something
Right in the middle of Big Bang
That I didn’t quite catch
But it was her own fault
For picking such a bad time.
She knows how much I like that show.
Then she got really mad
When I motioned for her to wait
Until the commercial break
And repeat it to me again.
At least I think she was mad
Because when the commercial started
She wasn’t there anymore
But it must not have been important
Or she would have waited to tell me.
Now I’ve lost track of what’s happening
On Big Bang
This had better be important!
Some people are so
Easily distracted…

What were you saying again?

Friday, April 25, 2014

In the Glow of Artificial Candlelight

Their romantic evenings have changed a bit
As the years slip by.
He arrives at the door with a bag of takeout.
He’s feeling frisky; he brought Thai.
She gets the message and sets the good silver
Out by the paper plates;
It’s been a while since they’ve had
A romantic evening. This’ll be great!

After dinner she slips into something more comfortable—
That ugly old pink fleece bathrobe—
Pops a bag of popcorn into the microwave
And channel surfs for the latest episode
Of… what was that show called?
Oh, never mind. Die Hard is on again.
The action should get his motor running
And John McClane is her kind of man.

They dim the lights and munch
Together from the same bowl
And he makes no effort
To use the remote control.
Flickering multicolored explosions dance
Across their contented faces
As they cuddle together in one of
Life’s least-appreciated graces.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Training Camp

NFL teams began OTAs (organized team activities),
the prelude to formal training camps, this week.
Everybody’s confidence is so high right now…

We ain’t sure our team is ready
We ain’t sure we know our parts
We ain’t had no chance to practice
Won’t be long till the season starts

We don’t want to be the losers
We don’t bow to last year’s champ
We don’t like our fans to boo us
Time to head to our training camp

Every day we work our butts off
Every day we sweat and ache
Every day our goals seem clearer
We’re convinced we’ve got what it takes

And once we’ve got our chemistry flowing
Once we’ve learned to “ground and pound”
Once we’ve hit the season running…
We’ll pray our dreams don’t get shot down

Monday, April 21, 2014

Hair of the Dog

My dog leaves his hair everywhere
And it drives me to tears of despair:
When a man sheds his hair
His pate shines like a flare
While a dog never ever goes bare.

Now, I try to pretend I don’t care
But it irks me, and sometimes I swear
‘Cause he’s so unaware
When he sheds on a chair
Or my clothes or the rug. It’s unfair!

As my hairs grow increasingly rare
And my coiffure gives way to thin air,
I think Fido should share
My distress. Do I dare
Tell the groomer to shave his head bare?

Friday, April 18, 2014

Executing God’s Plan

God had a plan from Genesis onward—
A plan from before the world began,
A plan designed to correct the destruction
Unleashed by His selfish creature, Man.

Through prophets of old, He wrote it down
So His people would know that God still cares,
That He wanted to help them, to break sin’s power
With a plan more ambitious than men would dare.

“My Plan will set you free,” He said,
“If you’ll follow Him like the other twelve.”
But men stood their ground and refused to yield…
Then they executed God’s Plan themselves.

The sky turned black and the city shook
As the Plan hung, posted on a manmade tree
For all to see, a story unfinished
As yet… but people still wouldn’t read.

And that’s how it goes. God spins His tale
Though men and devils still vent their rage
Against His story but God writes on…
And He will till He writes the final page.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Lent’s End

Many religious traditions don’t eat meat—
and specifically not pork— during Lent.


It started with a Mardi Gras;
It ends with hallelujah.
You ready for some bacon now?
A little slab’ll do ya.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Eggstreme Truths

This week I’m doing verses about
different aspects of Easter.
This one intentionally sounds a bit strange
since the Easter Sensei is a bit strange himself…

Since we live in a world that’s more urban than rural,
The Easter egg paints a bewildering mural.
Does it leave you perplexed, more than words can say?
Then just heed these thoughts from the Easter Sensei:

This egg symbolizes a new life begun.
We boil it till nothing’s alive when we’re done
Then we dye it to make it a bright shiny color
‘Cause a plain white boiled egg really couldn’t be duller.

An Easter egg will never hatch—
Not once, no matter how large the batch.
If you find an Easter egg that peeps,
Leave it alone! It’s NOT for keeps!

Once we’ve dyed all the eggs, we head out to some storefront
And buy hollow shells for the kids’ Easter egg hunt.
Plastic eggs full of sweets are the choice of this brood
Because kids prefer candy instead of real food.

In parting, you may ask:
Are Easter eggs all that they’re cracked up to be?
That depends, my young pupil. Do you want lunch?
Then maybe.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Someone Shot the Basketball

Someone shot the basketball
And now our team can’t play.
They all just stand around and stare
At where that flat thing lay.
We thought we’d have a friendly game—
We’re sitting ‘round instead
‘Cause someone shot the basketball
And now the poor thing’s dead.

Yes, someone shot the basketball…
But what harm had it done?
It’s true the team was pretty bad;
Still, we had lots of fun.
At least, I did. I laughed a lot
When others played the fool
And did a faceplant on the court
While I made moves so cool…

Hmmmm… Perhaps they shot the basketball
‘Cause I was much too good.
Perhaps the ball would not be flat
Had I but understood
Humiliation isn’t fun.
I wonder—could it be—
That someone shot the basketball
Instead of shooting me?

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Area Rug

Should I call this slapstick haiku?

That bucking bronco
Threw me when I mounted it;
Now my saddle’s sore

Monday, April 7, 2014

Porkenstein

The barbeque that Jimmy made
was much too hot to eat.
The sauce he used could char raw pork,
it put out so much heat!
He served it to a bunch of friends
with cole slaw and potatoes.
They screamed and all their faces turned
as red as fresh tomatoes!

Jim’s recipe grew famous as
the casualties piled higher,
and soon it won a contest when
a taster caught on fire.
But plans to start a fast food chain
called “Porkenstein’s” soon failed—
the buildings couldn’t stand the heat
and Jim’s plans were derailed.

Some likened Jim to Frankenstein—
both madmen tempting fate
with doomed creations meeting ends
that left most folks irate.
But unlike Dr. Frankenstein,
Jim’s dreams were merely jive…
For though both saw their monsters fry,
At least Frank’s was alive.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Feng Shui

Feng shui (pronounced fung shway) is a Chinese practice
that is supposed to “balance the energies” of a given area
so people living and working there will be better off.

The front door’s hanging crooked and
The kitchen window sticks;
The bathroom floor is sagging—
I should prob’bly get that fixed.
But my neighbor’s into feng shui
And she says to let it be
‘Cause these flaws in house construction
Will create a happier me.

She hung mirrors in the hallway.
Now I scare myself each day
When I step out of my bedroom
'Cause there’s someone in my way.
There’s more clutter in the stairwell
‘Cause she added potted plants
And a motherload of ladybugs
To fill my bed and pants.

Now, perhaps in ancient China
Feng shui made one wise and rich…
But in my world, all it’s done is
Make my family cry and bitch.
So if you’re a true believer
And not one whose moods are faddish,
You can buy my feng shui mansion—CHEAP!
(The ladybugs come gratis.)

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Warmth

Somehow the simplicity of haiku says it best…

A sunny spring day
After the long winter night;
Lounging on the porch