I have no idea what could have spawned
this creed, this “statement of belief,”
but the whole concept made me laugh. Hard.
We, the wearers of the sacred undergarment,
Gather as one in this communal laundry
To celebrate our dedication to morality
Despite the discomfort it may cause us.
For we know that society cannot long endure
Without those who stand against moral looseness.
Indeed, it is human to rebel against restraint!
Who among us has not felt the desire to be free?
Who among us has not suffered grievously for our beliefs?
And yet we soldier on, undeterred by the temptation
To throw off these restraints
And live with licentious abandon.
Our reward shall be the greater for our suffering.
Be it known that all are welcome to this assembly—
Be they opulent boxers or puritanical briefs;
Be they staid panties or decadent bikinis;
Be they common cotton, slippery spandex,
or the rarest of silks.
All are welcome to this assembly
For we know that all may achieve
A state of perfect holeyness
If with endurance they perform
their appointed duties. Amen.