Another new Christmas carol, to the tune of
It Came Upon the Midnight Clear.
They left it on the doorstep here,
That present that Amazon sold;
Delivery was at half past three—
At least, that’s what I’m told.
But there’s no package awaiting me
So I gave the mailman a ring…
And while that silly Muzak played
I didn’t learn a thing.
For though I ordered it in advance
In hopes of avoiding this game,
It doesn’t matter how hard I try;
The outcome’s always the same.
The gifts I’ve chosen are out of stock
Or multiple orders get crossed;
And should the packages finally ship,
Along the way they get lost.
The days till Christmas are hast’ning on;
Now all of the good stuff’s been sold
And all my planning’s been shot to hell—
My mailman’s answer was cold:
When forms I’ve filed tell them that the box
Is gone from my doorstep here,
Perhaps they’ll choose to make good my claim
And save my Christmas cheer. [optional: AMEN!]