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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Maybe You’re Amazed

Sometimes poems take weird twists.
I originally intended this song parody of
Paul McCartney’s Maybe I’m Amazed
to be about a guy trying to talk his way out
of an embarrassing position his girlfriend
caught him in. I was going to call it
Maybe I Was Tazed. Instead, I wound up
with this disturbing song that (unfortunately)
describes how some men approach relationships
with unsuspecting women.

(verse)
Baby, you’re amazed by the things you claim you’re learning now,
The awful truth you should have known about me
Maybe you’re amazed that a man could tell so many lies
Of such tremendous size
Frankly, I’m amazed that you took so long to doubt me

(bridge)
Baby, I’m a gland
I’m an overactive gland that blindly stumbles toward pleasure
And it really doesn’t understand
That, baby, there are men
Men who want a home, a life, and want a loving woman—
Baby, can’t you see that I’m not them?
Oooooooh, oooh

(verse)
Babe, you were unfazed by the lame excuses that I made
You held onto your daydreams so devoutly
Maybe you were dazed by the lies you wanted to believe
You chicks are so naïve
Maybe you’re amazed that you’re better off without me

(repeat bridge)

(tag)
‘Cause babe, I’m just a gland
And commitment’s not my plan
No, no

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