What if Edgar Allen Poe
had a dog instead of a raven...?
Once upon a workday dreary,
Master came home, weak and weary,
Realizing with regret that I had not been curbed all day.
Though my urges made me antsy
And my bladder made me dancy,
Master longed for nothing fancier than sipping Perrier;
He preferred to lounge, unbothered, sipping on his Perrier
Though my water longed to spray.
Though I love my Master dearly,
He’d forgotten my needs. Clearly
I would have to make him see that I was more than just a toy.
My intelligence is legend!
After he ignored my beggin’
I just lifted up my leg and soon I got my message through –
Fear of damage to the carpets helped me get my message through.
He and I bid home adieu.
As he walked me, Master nearly
Dropped my leash, so cavalierly
Did he hold it as we wandered through the suburb we call home.
With his notice circumvented,
Opportunity I scented –
My walks can’t be regimented when I get the urge to roam!
One quick jerk was all I needed ‘cause I had the urge to roam;
Soon I ran the streets alone.
As I sprinted down the highway,
Thinking things were going my way,
My neglected bladder soon betrayed me; its incessant calls
Gave my plans a whole new wrinkle –
I was forced to stop and tinkle!
Gallons poured out – not a sprinkle – poured out like Niagara Falls;
Rushing, gushing, aching rivers poured out like Niagara Falls.
Drained, I couldn’t stand at all.
Master lurched toward me, gasping.
As he fell, I saw him grasping
Desperately to snag my leash. He thought to end my joyous romp…
But his pride got violated.
He had not appreciated
How much I had been hydrated! Now I stood inside a swamp;
Emptying my bladder turned the roadside into quite a swamp.
I began to bark and romp.
Master led his happy doggy
Home and, though already soggy,
Gave us both a soapy bath; he said our odor was profane.
I received a thorough rinsing;
Master’s clothes refused all cleansing.
Never will he need convincing when my need to go is plain;
Nevermore will he resist my urgings when my need is plain…
Now my Master’s potty-trained!