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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Dark Lard of the Sith

Let’s start the New Year off right.
Diets are a common resolution, and
After watching some Star Wars movies
Over the weekend, I could only wonder
Why Sith lords aren’t… er, heavy like
The “heavies” in gangster movies…

The terror of the universe
Waddles from his starcruiser,
And lackies bow in fear
Lest he come to reprimand them…
Then trip and fall on them.

His lightsaber bears the stain of
Luncheon meat, thinly sliced;
At this his skill is unsurpassed,
Even by his master.
His midiclorian count is high
And all of them need nourishment!

In space, no one can hear you breathe
Unless you are Lord of the Sith.
That labored rasping isn’t a respirator,
Just the effort of walking.
The original Death Star was modeled after him,
And wherever his shadow falls
Is the dark side of the Force.
Some say an attack squadron once used him for cover
And was never detected.

The Emperor’s been known to say,
“He ain’t heavy, he ain’t my apprentice.”
After all, a Sith lord’s job demands
He throw his weight around…
But if you moon your enemies
And they mistake you for a real moon,
Perhaps you’re too big for your britches.

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