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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Barbarian Raid

Not your average sword & sorcery tale.
Rhythm inspired by the Bob Seger song
Ramblin' Gamblin' Man (YouTube video here).


Thought I had a good plan
Gonna make a quick raid
Score myself a big haul
That's the way the hand's played
Always like to work alone
Easier to get away
Didn't tell a single soul
No one else to get paid

Gonna make a quick barbarian raid
Make a fortune on tonight's escapade
Then I'll find a cute Bavarian maid
Who'll be getting this barbarian laid, yeah

Snuck into the big town
Knew I had my plans right
Slipping down the city streets
Hid by the dark night
If they saw me coming
Just another urbanite
Wearing metal armor
Leather pants are too tight
Carrying a massive sword
Ready for a big fight
Won't nobody bother me –
I'm a kinky sight

Gonna make a quick barbarian raid
Make a fortune on tonight's escapade
Then I'll find a cute Bavarian maid
Who'll be getting this barbarian laid

Stopped to have a few drinks
I was feeling pretty rough
Broke into a tavern
Where they kept the good stuff
Mighta stayed a bit long
But I ain't no powderpuff
Musta emptied half the stores
Making sure I had enough
Stumbled out the front door
Thinking I was pretty tough
Ran into the city guard
So I tried to run a bluff

Time to make my quick barbarian raid
Little wimps won't put me in a stockade
Gotta find a cute Bavarian maid
Who'll be getting this barbarian laid

Challenged half the king's guard
Called 'em little girly boys
Waving 'round my big sword
All they got is little toys
Staggering and slashing
Trying to maintain my poise
I could barely see straight
Then I heard a lot of noise
Guards was running everywhere
I was getting quite annoyed
Caught me in a big net –
They was overjoyed
Thought when I was done
I'd be a wealthy playboy
Now I'm in the stockade…
And merely unemployed

So much for my quick barbarian raid
Trust me, it's no stretch to say I'm dismayed
Here in this stockade they don't have a maid
Who'll be getting this barbarian laid, no

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