So there they were – Helen, better known as
“The Face,” and her royal boytoy Paris.
She was unguarded; he was “up” for it.
The Greeks really missed the boat on this one;
Political intrigue like this would be
Prime TMZ material today.
Here’s what King Menelaus should have done:
Send a small cadre of gossipmongers
To produce a few pregnant mistresses
For both Paris and Hector. What a waste
Of vital military resources
And nearly ten years, when a few wagging
Tongues could have done the job in mere weeks.
Paris was already horsing around;
Rumors of more “wood” could have ended this
War before it started. Ironically,
We now think Trojans will eliminate
All the dangers of unprotected sex.